Thinkies...

“I would like to make a toast to lying, stealing, cheating and drinking. If you're going to lie, lie for a friend. If you're going to steal, steal a heart. If your going to cheat, cheat death. And if you're going to drink, drink with me.”

Go girl, it's your birthday.

I can't remember the last time I bothered to keep track of my thoughts. I used to be able to sit down and write everything - and write things of some substance too... but these days I just can't. This will be my attempt to. Hm. I recently found out that someone actually reads my blog - thank you gorgeous. This brings me to a quote I want to dedicate to you anonymous - Even if saving you sends me to heaven.

Because you are certainly not going there before me... I will explain that one to you one day.

The year is half over, it's June. My birthday has passed already and it passed way too fast for my liking - Thank you EVERYONE for the most amazing birthday I've ever had.

So much has changed in the last few months. I learnt a lot but still I'm back to square one. Maybe I can retrace my steps but knowing what I didn't know back then. I guess that's the best way to look at it...

Feeling lit, feeling light..

Technically it's Sunday, but for most it's a 'Saturday night'. Tonight I'm not most, because for me, it's Sunday and I'm sitting writing this from the warmth of my bed listening to Justin Bieber (he makes me happy).
Things are making me twitch this week. Friends, non-friends, ex-friends...
I've found that there are a few types of girls in this world. The Mean Girls quote has so much truth behind it I've decided to stick by it:
'Look, there's good and bad to everybody right?
Regina's just...
She's more up-front about it'
All girls have bitchiness lying somewhere within them, some are just more up front about it.
Then there are the ones who keep it quiet, right up until they're done bottling it all up and bring it up with the boyfriend. That dreaded 'She brings up all this old crap...' Seriously, if you have a problem with what your boyfriend is doing please save them the utter frustration and just tell them. It's their problem if they don't understand.
Then. There's the sort that just gets at me. If I had to deal with a girl like this it would eat on the inside until I started to rott on the outside.
The immature, 'lets make that girl's life hell because she screwed my best friends ex boyfriend but didn't even know about it...' girl. Seriously though, blah.. blah... blah. Nobody is listening to you darling, in fact, people are sitting minding their own business but can't help but LAUGH at how pathetic you are in public! The act is so cute, keep it up, you'll go so far in life with some really good friends with you too. It's so nice getting all your little friends involved, team effort is so good to see... shows you're a real true team player! Posting stuff on your facebook and on all your friends facebook's for that matter about other girls boyfriends, just so their girlfriends see, it is just so cute as well, it's almost as if she will care! It's a very well done effort with you and your posse of dumb bitches. Making your life public online for all the attention is pretty cool as well, I almost want to be part of it all and suck up some attention with you.
But instead I'm going to sit here minding my own business... and just laugh at how pathetic you are.
Peaceeee.

Staying Positive

Sometimes, I get that overwhelming sensation of loneliness. But that's okay, because I know that one day that feeling will disappear and the person who makes it disappear will make me feel like I was never lonely - and never will be lonely again.

Grow up

It simply amazes me how immature people can be. I once heard that the maturity of a male develops at a slower rate as the female's maturity level as they both grow older. This, however I believe is not true. In some cases I'm seeing girls grow more immature as they grow older, and in other cases I see mere sixteen year olds with more maturity than a twenty year old. Please, I beg you. Get real. This is the real world and kissing a boy to get revenge, or yelling 'SLUT' at some girl you don't know is gonna' get you no where. It just proves how much of a loser you really are. Come say it to my face next time, you won't be so brave then.

Be careful what you wish for;

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars,
I could really use a wish right now

overwhelmed

So what happens when you finally get what you dreamed of? Dreams from both the past and the present...?
It feels great, just too good to be true... but now I truely do believe good things come to those who wait for them. A childhood dream that was buried deep inside my mind somewhere has resurfaced and the dream every girl chases - a boy, has arrived right upon my door step. One step at a time G, you don't want to mess this up.
Nervous about the job interview tomorrow... this child hood dream may just follow through.

take me to the place i love...

Happiest I've been for a while :)

change

I don’t know what to write anymore. I get so many thoughts running around in my mind, I even structure them perfectly into paragraphs and sentences, but when I put my fingertips to the keys to transfer the thoughts to words I just can’t seem to do it.
Right now I don’t even know what I’m writing about. All I know is that I feel change, and I’m not sure how, or in what way things are going to change, but I can feel it. Maybe I’ll keep you posted.

a day well spent

I could forget your name
I could forget your face forever
I could forget about the smile you always faked
The one you thought I bought, but never
I could forget your lies
I could forget to hide for always
I could forget how desperately you tried
Flattery would get you nowhere
I could forget how you had tried to get the best of me
You'll never forget that you never got me!

YOU NEVER GOT ME!

Real nice to know that you care
To leave me soaking wet
I’m so surprised you would dare
You make me wanna forget (make me wanna forget)

I could forget your pride
I could forget your wandering eyes
I could forget about the way you made me feel
You talk to me so condescending
I could forget how you had tried to get the best of me
You'll never forget that you never got me!

YOU NEVER GOT ME!

Real nice to know that you care
To leave me soaking wet
I’m so surprised you would dare
You make me wanna forget


I love these lyrics, I think a lot of people can relate to these words in their own way.
I saw The Used today - My favourite band. It took me back a few years... The last time I saw them I was 15 years old, would have I imagined myself singing along to the same songs a few years later?
It was an amazing feeling, watching the first song I ever heard by them live - I've seen it twice and it can never get old. The song is Buried Myself Alive... There is so much power behind the music, eek it gave me shivers :)
Stealing O'neal were also there - amazing band and really happy guys - i've seen them a few times as well and they never are always amazing :)

Confession:

It's time to fess up. I have an insane fear of Caterpillars and anything related to them - Millipedes, Centipedes, etc. I hate them. I detest them and the thought of them makes me sick, so writing this post is kind of making me go ick. Millipedes have invaded my home, seriously... why? Every time I see anything crawly and long, I'm reduced to tantrums and tears, and I'm jumpy for the next hour or two. I don't even want to sleep in my room tonight because I found one on the wall, my mum had to rescue me. I hate them... Absolutely loathe them. I've put bug repellent all over my room, and even salt in the door way - okay maybe a bit far but you can never be too sure of these things. Okay, that is all.

brain spewing once again

Somewhere in the depths of mysteries and misfortune is me. I always wonder what could have been, what could be and what is. I come to conclusions and scrap them soon enough to make room for another conclusion that suits me better. I want to avoid the reality and keep faith in my stupid idea that defies reality. But here I am, going around in circles again.

That's what you get...

That's what I get for losing faith in everything - God, hope, faith itself. When in dispair, I'm alone. No one to pray to for guidance or help... Just lonely in desperation for a higher power to save me.

can you hear the dolphins cry?

Yet again, same place, just a different time. Same circumstances, no. Another best friend in the picture this week. But we're still lying here, talking shit because we have nothing better to do with our Saturday nights. Happy belated birthday Sophia, happy birthday Shelby. I have a really big writing block, things just aren't flowing. It's like Deja Vu on a weekly basis. Friday night through to Sunday... it's all the same and in this case, not even a different day. Same thing, same day, same time just in past, present and future. Julia's singing is actually kind of soothing. I hope she doesn't read that, sounds a bit queer. In conclusion, when I catch myself wondering what I'm really doing, what are my plans... I remember I have none. I'm in a rut, remember? I'm allowed to do this because I'm in a rut and until I find an escape I'll keep doing this. Alcohol can only numb my senses and thoughts for so long, and soon enough I'll hit a dead end in this road I'm traveling on and realize it was a very wrong turn I took long ago.

sweet disposition

1:00pm. It's a perfect Summer's day, my windows wide open and I have my mellowest tunes playing loud. This week has been really cruisey. As I scoop my favourite gelati from the tub it came in I'm thinking back on this week. I've been eating WAY too much, I'm really regretting it but I think my hormones are hungry, not my stomach... I hate that time of month. I went sailing on Monday with my school class, it was nice to get out into the sun. Tuesday was such a long day, I worked until 10pm leaving me so drained. Wednesday was TAFE. Last night I had an amazing experience, and I regret not doing it earlier! I went to the night markets in the city, and there were so many different stalls. I bought cute fairy lights for my room, oh so romantic.

Something so funny happened: My friend's boyfriend drives an small old Mazda, and when returning to the car park Steph pointed out that the Big M she placed next to the car had disappeared so we thought someone had taken it and had a giggle about it. He proceeded to open the car and after Chris had jumped into the car, Martin had picked up a bus ticket on the seat and Steph had wondered out aloud who's belt it was on the seat, George screamed 'This isn't my car!'. We had just broken into someone's car and I found it the most hilarious thing to happen in so long. We found the right car where we had parked it in the first place and laughed until George accidentally drove right into a tram lane, coming to a dead end. The passengers waiting for their tram must have thought we were drunk or something. It's so funny what can happen in a small outing.

wake up, my love

Sex And The City. Best friends birthdays! Sailing? Fifty bucks one night work. Driving lessons - must get license. On the go. Cravings. Wednesday’s shenanigans. Maccas to go. Doubles blacks and Mojitos. Maybe a long island tea in there somewhere? Monday’s are always the day for big plans and only 50 bucks to spare. Bought a ticket to The Used – happiest girl alive.

Confuuuseled.

I want my blog to look pretty, but this thing just doesn't like me. I used to be such a HTML nerd, my brain has slowly deteriorated over the years and I can no longer recall any of it. I blame alcohol.

Pink Skies

8.30 PM: the skies are beautiful hues of indigo right down to pink... and how I have positioned my new desk, I'm looking right out onto the sunset, it's such a good feeling. Today was my day off. Days off are always productive for me, and after up to six days a week on the go I love a break. I did a room makeover today. It only takes a new haircut, a room make over or a clean wardrobe to start fresh/a new beginning, I already feel better.

"Every new beginning comes from another beginning's end"

Brain Spew

Ding Ding. Sophia's phone is going absolutely crazy - boys boys boys. She's wearing a g-string, she claims they're comfy and 'keeps my ass cool'. This is a usual weekend for us you see. Of course, the only male (well let's just pretend you're a male mr. blogspot) I speak to these days.... is you, mr. blogspot. Forgive me, i've had a long night... It's currently 12:11 am on a saturday night. Sophia is out of cigarettes so for once in our lives we're confined to the four walls of her bedroom - it is such a beautifl night outside. My feelings this weekend: I hate not being legal. I'm 17, bordering 18 and the day I turn 18 I swear my life will begin. I watched the maxi cab with all my friends and their all legalities in the world and fake id's drive off to the city. Meanwhile, here I am wishing I didn't lose my sri lankin friend last year. Maybe it's karma of some sort, I don't know. Everything bad that happens to me I blame on karma, life is just karma. So, instead of doing something totally cool and rebelious like underage clubbing, I took public transport (another SHIT pitfall of being 17 - no drivers liscense) to Sophia's local servo, and bought us 20 bucks worth of food. It was worth every cent, because looking back on tonight I'd rather not be anywhere else, but here with my best friend, chewing on an already consumed chuppa chup stick. Peace out, A-town, xoxo gossip girl.

Rut.

I'm in a rut.
Rut: A narrow or predictable way of life, set of attitudes etc.; dreary or undeviating routine (esp in the phrase in a rut)
"In a rut" - Having a fixed, monotonous way of life.